It is so silent I can hear the screams in my head,
The commotion is real — and I need to forget.
Outside I wear my face like nothing was said,
Inside I’m chased by every word I never get.
My thoughts conflict with the world in a mix —
Oh, if I could throw them away to a place
I cannot see from where I stand, take my licks,
I’m trying to win the grand old race.
Without the ability to move my legs to run,
A darkness in this room in which I can’t sleep
Is streaked into my eyes by a bright sun,
Through drapes closed tight — one crack to creep.
I have no drug I can use because I don’t,
So I travel away to another thought.
It’s not my mind can’t — it’s that it won’t.
I do not have the energy for the life I fought.
Wandering unseen between why and what-ifs,
I take a moment — take a very deep breath.
I hear a sorrowful tune, its complex riffs,
Not life or death — yet it tastes like death.
The pain is real, created by deep distrust,
When you bleed inside without any red blood.
I’m not who I should be, don’t do what I must —
I want to like who I am, not live in this mud.
Crying deeply, looking for the place, the stain,
Somewhere painting proof into the evidence.
But the crime scene is so very plain —
And still the thought makes me flinch in defense.
Moments leave renditions — burning brands
A person can’t escape, wading deep.
I watch the hourglass beside the bed drop sand,
And I’m saved from the silence when I drift off to sleep.